Gathering In

I am struck how life is circular, yet spiral in nature. It is a process of changing seasons, birth and death, light and dark. I cannot know the joy of an experience without also knowing sadness. I believe these processes are so intertwined that one is not occurring without the other right along with it. Sometimes it is very difficult to see love and hate in the same situation. Yet I have learned it is there. There are patterns unfurling as well as I walk my path. Many times I have stopped and realized I have been here before. It may look a different in the outward expression of the experience, but the feelings underneath it are the same. These feelings have become my sacred companions. These feelings push me to go a little deeper, know myself a little more, experience my life more authentically. I have learned to trust that these moments come to serve. Sometimes they elevate me to great joy and triumph. Sometimes they bring me to my knees in surrendered defeat. I have many gray hairs to prove how hard I try not to bend. The darkness always wins in the end. It is my greatest source of wisdom. It has been my greatest teacher. The bleak shroud of midnight brings me to the light of my greatest success and inner power. I have learned to gather in these feelings and look at them honestly in the light of awareness. They are always showing me myself. It is a difficult process, especially the bigger the emotional response. It is far easier to blame another then to see the fault lying at my own feet. Yet I believe if I wish to live a life of freedom, a life of authenticity, love and freedom then I must be willing to sacrifice all I have ever believed to be true about myself and see myself with different eyes. Freedom always begins in my own heart. It always starts with understanding my role in the experience and then forgiving myself for my blindness. Then.... I pour a glass of wine and offer myself a sincere congratulations... I have just experienced a triumph of my soul.